Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)

Directed by: Joseph Guzman

Starrin: Asun Ortega, David Castro, Aycil Yeltan

The Main Review: With the brilliant tagline of "The Sister Is One Bad Mother!" Nude Nuns With Big Guns is a 2010 film about, well, a nun who is nude often and carries out holy retribution with a good number of large guns. Sister Sarah is drugged and abused by some corrupt priests, forced to package drugs with other fellow nuns, wearing only their habits. Later, the Sister is dragged to a brothel by Chavo - the leader of Los Muertos, a biker gang - where she is raped by clergymen. While close to death due to a lethal dose of dope, she has a vision of God, who tells her to exact vengeance on all who sin against Him. So, she gets some guns from the kindly witch doctor who saved her - Mr. Foo - and then kills him for being a witch doctor. Matched with a seventies/eighties exploitation feeling - with the occasional black-and-white or red-tinted shot, gratuitous nudity, and all the rape they could fit in between the nuns and the guns, Nude Nuns With Big Guns seems like a very good nunsploitation flick to watch with your Church bingo club.
Oh, yeah... Totally appropriate. 

A year later after our habit-ed heroine's religious vision, we see Sister Angelina who comes to warn a Father involved in the drug ring that a stranger has been offing other clergymen. We are shown of scene of Sister Sarah being a total badass, shooting up a local operation and saving Sister Angelina. We soon find out that Sarah and Angelina are lesbians. So, they're lesbian nuns. Way to go, movie. 

We then find out that Sarah and Angelina were caught in the throes of carnal pleasure with one another, which lead to their being forced into a life of drug packing and crime. And, throughout this all, we have an extraordinarily amount of shots taken place at a strip club and at least one rape scene. Chavo's gang are made aware of the threat to the drug ring and clergy. They eventually mobilize and start hunting down the Sister.

Here's Where It Gets Spoilerific: Honestly, it goes as you'd expect. There's some more lesbian action and lots of big guns. Sister Sarah kills loads of dudes (and some ladies). Sister Angelina gets picked up by Chavo's gang and is being raped by Chavo when Sister Sarah comes in and saves the day. Of course there's a set up for a sequel (with the scar-y and scary Brother John) that I really hope they make.

Scene To Watch Out For: Um... When Sister Angelina shoots off Chavo's penis? And, then they keep showing the dismembered... uh... member. 

Anything Else: I haven't heard anything about the sequel yet. I don't even know if they're planning on making one. Nude Nuns With Big Guns was subject to a really big copyright lawsuit so it seems that the film rights are a little iffy. Maybe that's why there's no mention of a sequel? Oh, well... Hopefully, they'll get that sorted so we can have more awesome nude nuns with their awesome big guns.

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