Brave (2012)

Directed by: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, Steve Purcell


Starring: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson


The Main Review: Brave is a 2012 animated film set in the 10th century Scottish highlands. It follows the Princess Merida, a skilled archer, as she is forced to chose a boy from another clan to marry. Her mother, Elinor, has been preparing her for years for this, but Merida is having none of it. She rides off after a fight with her mother and meets a witch who gives her a spell to change her mother. Merida uses this spell but her mother changes in a way she never expected. Now she only has two days to put things right.

Ah, beautiful Scotland... You know, they filmed this all on location...

Scenes To Watch Out For: When King Fergus helps Elinor practice talking to her daughter by pretending to be Merida.

Anything Else: This movie was not what I expected. I was expecting a Scottish princess who, I dunno, goes off to war and kills dragons or something. What I got was certainly different, which doesn't necessarily mean it was bad. The movie, at it's core, is your basic kid's film family needs versus personal needs. So, while I didn't expect this, I did like it. It was enjoyable and sweet.


The animation in this is gorgeous. Whenever Merida was on screen I had a hard time looking at anything but her hair. I mean, check this shit out -

Yeah. So, visually, this film is stunning. And that, combined with an interesting story and characters, makes for one enjoyable flick.

Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)

Directed by: Behn Zeitlin


Starring: Quvenzhané Wallis, Dwight Henry, Gina Montana


The Main Review: Beasts of the Southern Wild is 2012 motion picture about a very wise, little girl named Hushpuppy who lives with her daddy in The Bathtub. Her father, Wink, tries to teach and prepare her for a hard life with some very stern, tough love. All the while, she has to deal with Wink being terribly ill and a storm that floods her home, causing the remainging inhabitants of Bathtub to come up with a plan to save their town when all the animals start dying. 

Also, there are giant pig-beasts.


Hushpuppy's mother swam away from Bathtub - a small isle south of the levee - when Hushpuppy was very young. So, she lives with her father. At times, he doesn't seem to know just how to raise a young girl, but he does try. However, he goes missing for a few days, leaving Hushpuppy all by herself, and, when he comes back, he's wearing a hospital bracelet and gown.

Of course, just after that happens, a big storm comes. Most people get out of The Bathtub as soon as they can, but Wink and Hushpuppy stay with a handful of other people. The Bathtub floods, but the remaining people manage by staying in elevated houses and traveling in boats (or car-boats).

However, after a few weeks, all the animals begin to die and Wink and the other Bathtub men take it into their own hands to make sure the water goes down.

Scenes To Watch Out For: Hushpuppy and Wink drinking together. (Not that I condone giving six-year-olds alcohol or anything. Don't do that. It's bad. Yadda yadda.)

All of the scenes with Hushpuppy's momma. It might just be the southern gal in me, but, when she was frying up that gator tail, I damn near drooled on myself.

The ending. Goodness gracious, did I cry. That little girl sure has some wisdom in her.

Anything Else: This film is beautiful. The acting is solid and the writing is amazing. And, while the aurochs (the big pig-beasts mentioned earlier) are clearly black pigs with horns stuck on them, they look pretty cool, if I do say so myself. So, this movie is really great. The story is breathtaking and moving. Hushpuppy's adorable. And, who doesn't love a good movie with an adorable little girl in it? Plus, y'all get to see the love and goodness that is sharing a meal of gator tail and, considering where I'm living in Utah, that's pretty amazing too. I highly recommend this amazing piece of work.

Jack and Diane (2012)

Directed by: Bradley Rust Gray


Starring: Juno Temple, Riley Keough, Kylie Minogue


The Main Review: Jack and Diane is a 2012 motion picture. At it's core, it's a love story about two girls, Jack and Diane, who meet in New York. Jack's a strong, hot, but sweetly awkward native New Yorker while Diane is a cute, British girl visiting her aunt. However, Diane's awakening sexual desires are bringing out the werewolf inside of her. So, it's a werewolf movie with lesbians. Doesn't that sound awesome?

It sounds so great, there is no way we could be completely and totally let down!

The first scene seems promising. Diane is in the bathroom when suddenly a big, gross-looking werewolf comes out of nowhere and attacks her. We cut to some weird letters made out of a hair braid and we are transported to an earlier time.

Diane is looking for her twin sister who was supposed to come by bus to visit. After it's apparent that she's not arriving, Diane roams the streets for a while, trying to get someone to lend her a cell phone. She walks into a shop and sees Jack. She promptly gets a nosebleed (the apparent first sign of werewolfism) and Jack takes her to a back room and let's Diane make a call. Jack then takes Diane to a club at which Diane gets sick and has another nosebleed. But, Jack and Diane make out, so that's good, I guess. I wonder when the werewolves are gonna show up...

So, Jack and Diane hang out some more. Jack gets hit by a taxi, but she ends up being fine. She just breaks a cassette tape. The two of them have awkward conversations about stuff and Jack tries to play Diane her favorite song - which happens to be a Yaz cover - but can't, due to the song being on the broken tape. Jack eventually finds out that Diane is leaving to go to a French fashion school a few days, so she decides to be a complete jerk. Man, it'd be really cool if there were some werewolves now. 

Jack is shown a porn video of a very drunk, college girl getting cummed on by some frat boys. The girl is Diane's twin and Jack rushes to tell Diane about it. She phones her sister who say's that she'll be fine and everything's alright and... That's the end of that. So, where are the werewolves?

Diane and Jack seem to be okay now. They almost have sex until Diane stops Jack, who leaves to go sleep on the couch. Jack wakes up and tires to find Diane. Diane finds her first and attacks her as a werewolf. She reaches into Jack's torn open chest and pulls out her heart. Back in human form, she beings to eat it as Jack dies. And, that's a cool way to end a film. I mean, it took forever to get to the werewolf part but I guess this is okay...

Here's Where It Gets Spoilerific: It was all a dream! Or, at least, the Diane turning into a werewolf and eating Jack's heart bit was... God dammit! When are the cool werewolves gonna show up!?

So, Jack and Diane hang out some more and are in gross, non-werewolf love or something. Ew. When Diane is about to leave, Jack helps her get some luggage out of a shed. The door shuts, trapping them in the dark. Using the flash on a disposable camera Jack gave her, Diane uses the brief light to try and find their way out. Of course, Jack (who got a nosebleed prior to this) turns into a werewolf and attacks Diane! Cool! Finally some werewolf violence!

Except, no! It ends with Jack giving Diane a hug! Ah, screw this! Where are the werewolves!? 


So.. Diane leaves for France and Jack sends her the "Only You" cover tape and she listens to it smiling. And then the movie ends.


...What?!


Scenes To Watch Out For: Whenever Jack tries to say something meaningful... You know, to Diane... She, uh... She has a really... A really, really... Hard time... A hard time just saying... Anything...

Jack's on the phone with Diane's twin after Diane has been grounded and her twin is pretending to be her. Jack asks, after a moment and a shot of her fingertips dipping into the front of her shorts, "Are you touching yourself?" Just right out of the blue! No lead up to that... No "What are you wearing?" She just goes straight for it! Do people do that?

The porn video that has nothing to do with anything.


All of the times there weren't any werewolves in the film. Oh, wait! That was the entire damn movie!

Anything Else: Oh, yeah... I left out the weird animation. Yeah, periodically throughout the film there are shots of what I can only assume are supposed to be a human's internal organs and a strand of braided hair slithering around them... That's the best I can describe it. This movie was wack.

This was another film I saw at Damn These Heels! Out of the eight films I saw (and the eleven in total at the festival) this was the only one with distribution. Wow. Just... meditate on that for a while.

Gayby (2012)

Directed by: Jonathan Lisecki


Starring: Jenn Harris, Matthew Wilkais, Mike Doyle


The Main Review: Gayby is a 2012 film that follows two best friends, Jenn and Matt, as they try to conceive. Jenn is a hot yoga teacher and Matt is a struggling comic book writer. Matt's still trying to get over his last boyfriend and Jenn is single by choice. So, remembering a promise they made to each other in college, they decide to have a kid together. The old fashioned way.

Yeah, that's gonna work out well and totally not be awkward.

Matt's moved to Brooklyn and works in a comic book store. He's desperately trying to avoid his ex-boyfriend, who doesn't seem as concerned with avoidance. Jenn teaches Bikram yoga and runs errands for her boss. So, after her sister tells her all about the baby she's adopting from Africa, Jenn goes to Matt to ask him to father her child. He says yes and, while he thinks it's weird for a gay man and a heterosexual woman to have sex, he agrees to trying the old fashioned way.

So, a week later, they get down to it. This ends up being awkward to say the least. Jenn decides that her apartment is too drab for creating a baby (the energy is all wrong), so she hires her boss' hot brother, Louis, to paint it. She moves in with Matt for a while and they get into a routine of having procreative sex, while both trying to get back into dating. They start to meet up with people online. However, at the comic store, Matt meets Scott, the very hot single daddy. And, can I just say that Scott kinda looks like a super hero in disguise. Just a little bit. I mean, look... He's got nerdy glasses... And that man-chest! Dayum.

Anyway, Jenn goes back to her apartment some night when Scott's over, to find Louis there. She and Louis have some crazy sex. She later finds out that he has a girlfriend. Jenn decides that she doesn't want to have sex with Matt anymore and they go for the turkey baster method (except, they use a cat medicine syringe supplied by Matt's bear friend Nelson (woof!)). Jenn finally conceives and it looks like Momma and Daddy are gonna have a baby!

Here's Where It Gets Spoilerfic: So, we find out that, when Louis and Jenn had sex, all of the condoms they used broke. So, there's a minor chance that he's the babydaddy. When she tells Matt this (on his birthday, no less), he flips. Matt won't talk to Jenn and Jenn spends a long, long time in bed not doing anything. Finally, her sister gets her up and going. Jenn buys into her hot yoga studio and she apologizes to Matt.

A year later, they have a beautiful baby girl! Jenn has hooked up with Neil, who works at the comic store with Matt. Scott is taking Matt out that night (and Jenn spills that he's going to ask Matt to marry him). Matt's doing well with a comic he wrote called "Gayby." At the end, Matt and Scott leave for their date and Jenn look at her little girl, remarking, "You look just like your daddy."

Scenes To Watch Out For: Nelson and Matt discussing the initialism LGBTQA and how ridiculously ong it is.

After Matt and Jenn's internet meet-ups, the hilarious exchange in the hallway.

The very "athletic" sex Jenn has with Louis. 


Anything Else: This was a really sweet, funny, if not a bit stereotypical (but in a nice way) film. Really, it's adorable. I hope it gets distribution soon.

Joshua Tree, 1951: A Portrait of James Dean (2012)

Directed by: Matthew Mishory


Starring: James Preston, Dan Glenn, Dalilah Rain


The Main Review: Joshua Tree, 1951, is a very recent film from this past year. Today, it premiered at multiple lgbt film festivals, including Damn These Heels! - where I had the opportunity to view it. Joshua Tree is a film supposed to follow part of the life of James Dean and his bisexuality. It's shot in black-and-white and very stylized. The actor who plays James Dean is gorgeous, of course. He is shown with a woman once in the film but seems to have a good amount of sex with other men.

Scratch that. He has a lot of sex with other men. 

The movie is nonlinear. The best I can piece together is that Dean and his unnamed actor roommate move in together and then Dean gets involved with Roger, the gay movie agent. At least, I'm pretty sure he's some sort of agent. James Dean has some fun-to-watch gay sex - if gay sex is your cup of tea - and seems to express at least mild interest in a few girls. Later on, Dean and his roommate go off into the desert, with Violet, who works for Roger.

Because of it's non-linearity, there are many flashbacks. We are shown the Roommate and Dean's acting classes at UCLA. Roger and Dean's relationship is sort of gone into. Also, The Little Prince seems to be very important and regarded as the most important literature a man can read.


Here's Where It Get Spoilerific: Honestly, this film doesn't really lend itself to spoilers. I mean, Dean is sleeping with his roommate (as well as every other able bodied man shown in this film, it seems, so it's not surprising). He's at least macking the calf with Violet, and it seems Roommate and Violet have something going on as well.


And, really, don't we all know how the story of James Dean ends? It really is a tale too short. 

Scenes To Watch Out For: Most of the scenes with the Roommate and James Dean - especially right before Dean goes off to New York. It's quite touching, really.

James Dean explaining "passive" and "aggressive" to a young man he met at the beach.

"I Fall In Love Too Easily" being sung in a nightclub.

Anything Else: I'll be completely honest - I know basically nothing about James Dean. I think I can name the movies he was in on a good day. So, I'm a little unsure about where and how often this film takes some artistic licence with what we actually know about James Dean. I - and the people who attended the film with me - were under the impression that James Dean was a little more heterosexual than what was presented in the film. As I said, though, I know very little about him.

Also, if you see this film and see something in my review is off, I'm sorry - but this film was kinda confusing! I don't know if it's just me, but I had a hard time following some of it. It was very... artistic.